Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Hi all, Helmi here.

Eh wait, I don't have to say that cause this IS my blog! Okok.

Point is, I woke up crying. Tears literally rolled down my cheeks.
Why, you ask? Look at the damned title, bloody @%$^#$!

Yeah, it was a dream about Leena/Lina/Roslinah/Axl Roselinah, my beloved girlfriend.
A nightmare.

So here goes:-
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There I was in school. School looked weird. It looked like old Fengshan Primary,
with the center garden as a soccer field (which looked like the field at sengkang). I was in the middle of the field and the toilet. Had a glimpse of the toilet. It was the BIG-ASSED toilet. (This BIG-ASSED toilet is another story itself)

We were playing soccer class vs class. "Playing". The "classmates" were weird yet the typical situation where the girls just stand there and the boys (me and another weird boy) did the work.

So suddenly things got skipped and a girl approached me identifying herself as my "new classmate". Then I found out I was the new student, not her!

Somehow we started dating, but it was weird, cause the girl triggered something in my mind.
Something familiar yet I didn't know what was it. The was she looked, she dressed. She liked me alot in the dream. I was feeling weird.

Somehow again we were...errr...doing something...(Sayang, I'll tell you personally later)..then she did something oh-so-familiar. It's like I've been there, done that thing. DEJAVU.

That's it. I knew that I knew a girl like her before. And I had pictures of her in my mobile. I knew I had proof that I knew that other girl. I went "home" and rummaged through my stuffs, my laptop, my mobile, my albums, everything. But seems that every proof there is to that other girl was gone. Replaced are other pictures that were weird with people I didn't know!

Somehow the number "131" cropped out of my head.

"Take me to block 131 now!" I screamed. The I-was-dating-girl took me there. Took a train which stopped at level 3 of block 131. I went up and down the staircase like a million times saying "naa..naaa..na. na!"

Then there was her, all clad in her white sleeveless, the mickey mouse shorts and that blue shoes. All so familiar. The long straight hair.

I said nothing, and I went to her and screamed "It's me!" like so many times. She gave me that weird look and asked "Who're you?" I shook her shoulder, hoping something would change. Fact was, I didn't even know her name! She was just someone I know I was close to. A hand pulled me back and there he was hugging that girl. "Sape kao nak kacao matair orang ni". That girl hugged a guy with mullet hair. He was wearing a "Summer" t-shirt, blue checkered shirt, a black pair of jeans and black skate shoes. His hands were big.

I was devastated. The I-was-dating girl brought to sit on the staircase. She took out two news articles.

"Bus bangs onto a tree. Boy and girl with severe head injuries. Memory loss expected"

"Boy in accident loses memory and changed face had no one, everyone couldn't recognize him."

Those were the titles.

"Forget Leena, sayang.. I'll take care of you from now on..." I heard the voice.

My mind was somewhere else. I cried in the dream....

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And it continued to reality. Yes I cried.

The girl I "dated" looked exactly like Leena, my girlfriend. The face, the body, the look, the voice. Only difference was the hair. It was wavy.

The girl with the guy. It was Leena. Everything was her. Including the clothes.

The guy. It was me. With mullet hair. Not me, but looked exactly like me minus the hair.

No wonder I cried. I'm sure my girlfriend knows my biggest fear. She knows it well.

I also hope she knows how much I love and miss her..


They were found again at 2:31 PM

Friday, August 21, 2009

i hope the day didn't end.
i love you. i miss you.


They were found again at 2:25 AM

what is in a status?
official girlfriend? official boyfriend?
what is happening in this world?
now there's Registry of Marriage (ROM)
what's next?
Registry of Relationship?

i don't get the idea. i just feel if two people are in love, status is nothing.
i won't have the idea of "i love you, but since you're not my girlfriend, we don't go out often".

in this era where you need to make things official, let's imagine you're at a party with you partner (the one you love but is not(or not yet) in a relationship). you introduce your friend to her/him "hey bro. this is my girlfriend, ." girls says "i am your girlfriend? since when?". OOOHHH K.....


They were found again at 1:37 AM

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Competition.

We compete for money, position, fame, fortune.

We also compete for TIME.

*winks*





Some people are just too busy, aren't they? =))


They were found again at 2:19 AM

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

how sacred the word is.
the commitment that comes with it.
how people mistake for other words.
like, admire, infatuation.
love does not equal to these.
love has no explanation.

when you say "i like you" or "i admire you", you say "i like/admire you because you're pretty, smart, blabla"
when you say "i love you", you just say "i love you".
when people say they love you and you know they mean it, you don't ask why. because if you do, you may die before they finish saying what they have to say.




my 1rupiah worth.



They were found again at 1:28 PM

will you like me for what i do?
will you like me for what i have?
will you like me for what i know?
will you like me because i fit the qualities you desire?
will you like me because i'm better than you ex?
when you see me, do you think,"i found one." or do you think,"i found you"?

In other words, will you like me for what i am or who i am?

I do not answer that. You do.




I found you, for you are who you are.


They were found again at 1:09 AM

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

so the days have passed..many of them. many more to come? that's still followed by a question mark.
but i guess the time has come again for..

when i'm sick, i dont care...
when i'm tired, i dont care...
when i'm sleepy, i dont care...
when i'm uncomfortable, i dont care...

i dont want this to go away. please. its been too long.

i see the slightest hint of light.

i see hope.


They were found again at 2:12 AM