Nothing but Nothingness

Nightmare & Dreams

2010-03-31T14:31:00.002+08:00

Hi all, Helmi here.

Eh wait, I don't have to say that cause this IS my blog! Okok.

Point is, I woke up crying. Tears literally rolled down my cheeks.
Why, you ask? Look at the damned title, bloody @%$^#$!

Yeah, it was a dream about Leena/Lina/Roslinah/Axl Roselinah, my beloved girlfriend.
A nightmare.

So here goes:-
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There I was in school. School looked weird. It looked like old Fengshan Primary,
with the center garden as a soccer field (which looked like the field at sengkang). I was in the middle of the field and the toilet. Had a glimpse of the toilet. It was the BIG-ASSED toilet. (This BIG-ASSED toilet is another story itself)

We were playing soccer class vs class. "Playing". The "classmates" were weird yet the typical situation where the girls just stand there and the boys (me and another weird boy) did the work.

So suddenly things got skipped and a girl approached me identifying herself as my "new classmate". Then I found out I was the new student, not her!

Somehow we started dating, but it was weird, cause the girl triggered something in my mind.
Something familiar yet I didn't know what was it. The was she looked, she dressed. She liked me alot in the dream. I was feeling weird.

Somehow again we were...errr...doing something...(Sayang, I'll tell you personally later)..then she did something oh-so-familiar. It's like I've been there, done that thing. DEJAVU.

That's it. I knew that I knew a girl like her before. And I had pictures of her in my mobile. I knew I had proof that I knew that other girl. I went "home" and rummaged through my stuffs, my laptop, my mobile, my albums, everything. But seems that every proof there is to that other girl was gone. Replaced are other pictures that were weird with people I didn't know!

Somehow the number "131" cropped out of my head.

"Take me to block 131 now!" I screamed. The I-was-dating-girl took me there. Took a train which stopped at level 3 of block 131. I went up and down the staircase like a million times saying "naa..naaa..na. na!"

Then there was her, all clad in her white sleeveless, the mickey mouse shorts and that blue shoes. All so familiar. The long straight hair.

I said nothing, and I went to her and screamed "It's me!" like so many times. She gave me that weird look and asked "Who're you?" I shook her shoulder, hoping something would change. Fact was, I didn't even know her name! She was just someone I know I was close to. A hand pulled me back and there he was hugging that girl. "Sape kao nak kacao matair orang ni". That girl hugged a guy with mullet hair. He was wearing a "Summer" t-shirt, blue checkered shirt, a black pair of jeans and black skate shoes. His hands were big.

I was devastated. The I-was-dating girl brought to sit on the staircase. She took out two news articles.

"Bus bangs onto a tree. Boy and girl with severe head injuries. Memory loss expected"

"Boy in accident loses memory and changed face had no one, everyone couldn't recognize him."

Those were the titles.

"Forget Leena, sayang.. I'll take care of you from now on..." I heard the voice.

My mind was somewhere else. I cried in the dream....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And it continued to reality. Yes I cried.

The girl I "dated" looked exactly like Leena, my girlfriend. The face, the body, the look, the voice. Only difference was the hair. It was wavy.

The girl with the guy. It was Leena. Everything was her. Including the clothes.

The guy. It was me. With mullet hair. Not me, but looked exactly like me minus the hair.

No wonder I cried. I'm sure my girlfriend knows my biggest fear. She knows it well.

I also hope she knows how much I love and miss her..

2009-08-21T02:25:00.001+08:00

i hope the day didn't end.
i love you. i miss you.

2009-08-21T01:37:00.002+08:00

what is in a status?
official girlfriend? official boyfriend?
what is happening in this world?
now there's Registry of Marriage (ROM)
what's next?
Registry of Relationship?

i don't get the idea. i just feel if two people are in love, status is nothing.
i won't have the idea of "i love you, but since you're not my girlfriend, we don't go out often".

in this era where you need to make things official, let's imagine you're at a party with you partner (the one you love but is not(or not yet) in a relationship). you introduce your friend to her/him "hey bro. this is my girlfriend, ." girls says "i am your girlfriend? since when?". OOOHHH K.....

2009-08-20T02:19:00.002+08:00

Competition.

We compete for money, position, fame, fortune.

We also compete for TIME.

*winks*

Some people are just too busy, aren't they? =))

LOVE

2009-08-12T13:28:00.002+08:00

how sacred the word is.
the commitment that comes with it.
how people mistake for other words.
like, admire, infatuation.
love does not equal to these.
love has no explanation.

when you say "i like you" or "i admire you", you say "i like/admire you because you're pretty, smart, blabla"
when you say "i love you", you just say "i love you".
when people say they love you and you know they mean it, you don't ask why. because if you do, you may die before they finish saying what they have to say.

my 1rupiah worth.

2009-08-12T01:09:00.003+08:00

will you like me for what i do?
will you like me for what i have?
will you like me for what i know?
will you like me because i fit the qualities you desire?
will you like me because i'm better than you ex?
when you see me, do you think,"i found one." or do you think,"i found you"?

In other words, will you like me for what i am or who i am?

I do not answer that. You do.

I found you, for you are who you are.

2009-08-04T02:12:00.000+08:00

so the days have passed..many of them. many more to come? that's still followed by a question mark.
but i guess the time has come again for..

when i'm sick, i dont care...
when i'm tired, i dont care...
when i'm sleepy, i dont care...
when i'm uncomfortable, i dont care...

i dont want this to go away. please. its been too long.

i see the slightest hint of light.

i see hope.

2009-05-10T21:34:00.002+08:00

i get irritated when chatting on msn, i'll "heyy whatcha doing? busy" and they'll go, "hmm not so, why?" what why??!? its chatting its msn, i just wanna talk say hi! its not like waaah i need something from you. it's like "not busy. why? u need something from me? u need to talk to me? u need me? isit isit?"

another irritating thing is when i say hey and they reply "?". whats with the "?" babe?! cant you actually spare half a second to say "yes?". my god. if you are so busy then go offline, or appear offline or something.

another thing about msn, so you're busy, or you're depressed and you dont wanna talk to anyone at all, jolly well SIGN OUT! my god, there people go being in "available" status but in their pm, they go "BUSY. dont talk to me." or "im depressed....sobsob dont wanna talk to anyone..". my god. go and sign out. off the bloody com and save electricity or something. you know it's like "hey im depressed. i say that i donwanna talk but actually i want you to see that i'm depressed. please talk to me! PLEAAASEE!!!"

i'm paranoid about these things. so yeah.

2009-05-09T22:28:00.002+08:00

ok so, its 4.5 years approx that i've been single. at first wasn't ready, have been hurt and have hurt. then last year i thought i was ready, finally, so i've stop rejecting and start looking. so...after 1 year and nothing. hmm.... four eyes still dont help much. oh well, i hope the wait is worth it. i hope. dont wanna end up like roommate. i'm like already freaking 19!! pffts. ok shut up. you didn't even wish me. bloody hell i hate you.

2009-05-09T15:28:00.001+08:00

i give up in asking girls out la , seriously.

AND THEY SAY IT'S ALWAYS MALE EGO. MAMPOZ AH.

2009-04-21T23:23:00.002+08:00

Hi bloghoppers, may i please rant about my life? NO??! hey this is my blog you f*king a$$h0l3!! how dare you say no!? im the master here, not you. wait, who are you again?

ok whatever. today marks the 2nd monday of attachment. ATTACHMENT. sounds so...abang2(brother2) poly. ok shuddup. but then i'm an intern. it sounds so...adik2(littlebrother2). talking about this, i actually chose a mediterranian shipping company as my first choice, the position of "accounts executive"(yeah right, maybe it's photocopyshredcoffeemaker executive) BUT i didnt get it. i've always wanted a job like office2, professional, have my own desk blahblah. but ok i didnt get it despite me getting an A in accounting(the only subject with A, im not THAT smart you know).

the job i got: telesales executive. (laugh. go. i give u 10 secs to laugh)
company: premiere global services. well actually it's a more about marketing job, BUT the job scope mainly comprises of calling people up. so yeah, i hate it. i can't endure 15 weeks of cold calling!! WT(F)! well at least the supervisor is cute. she's 21. she was mostly in-charge of me and Chun Zhong(lazy to story about him. he's bloody rich. i mean like bloody rich. but not spoilt, i can say. and he's fun. brings up my day in the office). ok to make it short(MAN! how long has it been since i wrote essay?!), its second week, and we havent really do any work. HAHA.

ah i dont know what to write. oh yeah im at episode 357 of one piece. i know some of my online friends know that im always watching cartoons. so yeah 357 x 25mins. go figure.

IM GONNA BECOME THE PIRATE KING

some people

2009-04-10T01:46:00.001+08:00

some people, when they have nothing, they need you, when they have others, you are nothing. get it? shesh. and guess what? she's cute. but, shesh.

been long

2009-03-13T22:32:00.003+08:00

hi everyone(i dont think there's alot but i DONT CARE!!!!), im not here to rant about my life or complain or talk about girls like i've always did. thought i'd write the something here instead of a piece of paper cos i always lose tiny bits of paper.

the "something" is my TO-DO list and shopping list!! ok add the as and replace the is to are.

TO-DO:

- buy something for kakak, her birthday's tomorrow. huahaha
- talk to the digitech digital delay guy
- listen to the iforgotrustybladesong and jinbarasong
- learn the aforementioned songs
- perfect the wickerman, run to the hills and the trooper
- shop (see below)
- restring guitars
- reformat computer
- repair handphone
- clear wardrobe for new clothes
- alter pants
- cut hair

spending list:

- digitech digital delay pedal (something for guitar if SOME people dont know) - $100
- equaliser pedal (for guitar again) - $150??
- a pair of smart black shoes - $50?
- a pair of smart brown shoes - $50?
- a pair of smart black pants(why must i keep saying a pair of smart again and again??!?!?!?!) - $50?
- " " solid black jeans - $60?
- " '' solid blue jeans - $60?
- short sleeve shirts - $35 each
- alter pants - $18
- cut hair - $3.80

total ~ $620 wow as if im so rich. helmi jangan nak macam paham aaaaah (translation: helmi dont want to like understand aaaaah)

what i have now = $305 - barely half the amount =.-"

BAIK AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2008-12-30T00:49:00.001+08:00

man...i've been single for nearly four years. i dont wanna end up like roommate. never never never!!!

BAND

2008-12-18T18:41:00.004+08:00

anyone of u guys, damn bloghoppers are band leaders AKA person who organises the next jamming session and so on? do u guys feel the pain? with hard to manage band members who u trust so much? if the answer is yes, hi 5!!!

pains-
members:
- one has another band
- cant concentrate fully on the songs
- cant fit his tight schedule of jamming with us, the other band, and work
- sometimes outta cash

- one is working(ok the first one's working too)
- quite tight schedule
- overtime here and there
- family issues

- one is schooling
- no cent
- projects
- holiday overseas

others:

- when is our next jam?
- note: the members dont have a fixed weekly routine

- where to jam?
- depends on when; whether rooms available
- siolaaa peh jauh, aku nak bawak ni itu (note: my LP is as heavy as a bass; effects summore)
- gile! aku dari keje siol! nak aku dtg jauh2!

- what are our next few(or one) song/s?
- different people have different taste & ability
- aku nak maen lagu ni ah! - aku tanak ah!
- siol! gile kao nak aku solo ikot tu cliff malmsteen haake tu? mauuuut!!

- why this room? why that time? why this song/s? whyyy whyy whyyyy!!!!!!?!?!?!?

- how? HOW TO FUCKING ORGANISE A SIMPLE JAMMING SESSION!!!!

kthxbaicibai

2008-12-16T01:45:00.002+08:00

for a person who gives advice on relationships to his friends, saves his friends' relationships, gets people together to form a good lasting relationships, its ironic that i've never succeed in a relationship myself. how?

sue

2008-12-15T23:36:00.003+08:00

ya know...when i date girls(which is like once a millennium?), i make them my responsibility. naturally, i would wanna send them home. but if the girl strictly refuses to be sent home, and anything happens to her, is it really my fault? i dont know..i just hope she's ok. she's not home yet(according to her sis).

2008-12-05T01:17:00.001+08:00

idontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusingidontknowthisisconfusing

i want to be gay

2008-12-01T01:40:00.003+08:00

idontknow

Ain

2008-11-30T13:00:00.000+08:00

ku rindumu
rasa satu arah
ku maseh sayang
walau kau berdusta
ku maseh cinta
walau tidak pasti
apa sebabnya

ini kisah cinta
dua hamba si Pencipta
bersinarnya suria
digantinya si purnama
tukar muka surat dunia
akhirnya cerita

buku cinta
tiada bermuka
hanya bermula
tidak berakhir
sudah ditetap takdir
apa silapnya

si Pencipta
Ia tiada bersilap
Ia tiada bersalah
mula akhir
ada sebabnya

apakah cinta
tiada berbalas
ia hanya cinta
pada buku cerita

apa makna rindu
bila insan derita
merasa neraka
tidak bertemu
walau sesaat
apa lagi seabad
apa makna rindu
ku tetap tidak tahu

kosongnya hati
ku tetap berdiri
kucukup faham
sudah puas kuselam
peliknya alam
yg lemah timbul
yg gagah karam

sempurna
haram dikata sempurna
walau tiada cacatnya
intan dihati
tahi dirasa
mustahilkah ia
lepaskan segalanya

Aynn

2008-11-30T01:53:00.005+08:00

2008-11-27T22:06:00.002+08:00

It seems that nearly all my posts involve girls in one way or another. this will be no different >:)and this post shall be edited in time to come when something crosses my mind. and watch out for a post about how some girls turn me off. hahaha like as if anyone reads this garbage!!! *THUNDER!!!!!*
.
.
.
.
.
.
usually it's the smallest things that make me attracted to a girl or makes a girl attractive.
honestly im like dont know how to explain and im just writing literally what is going on my mind.
haaaaaaa.....

okok. yeah. blabla. reply msn....
ok posting proper initiate...

as mentioned, im not really fussy about girls like everyone(ok not EVERYone, its more like every ONE i know u dont get it but SO????) assumes me to be. why? cause i dont have a girlfriend and the fact that ive been single for more than 3 years. please refer to past postings.

its usually the small small things like...how she talks...how she walks....how she sits(omg u dont bloody know how much a girl that crosses her legs turn me on. ok now everyone knows.zz)...how she brings herself to others..how she introduces herself...how she smiles...if u realised(if u dont, then u go and DIE!!!!! *THUNDER!!!!!*) that these start with "how". cause i usually concentrate on a girl's ladylikeness more than femininity. well i have my own definition on ladylike and feminine.

feminine - what a girl does
ladylike - how a girls does things

simple enough??

that covers HOW very much summarised.. there are some other things that gets me attracted to a girl. im very much attracted to animal lovers, serious. i get turned on(now..now...u yellow brained bloghopper...i know whatchu thinking.....heh) when i see a girl stroking a cat on a pathment. i dont know, i cant say im an animal lover(due to the fact i USED to kill ants for fun, take that sharp ruler and split their bodies. hurhur) but yeah ok maybe i love cats, thats all. haha! fuck!

im attracted to girls who do housework and cooks. i mean...like...i dont know how to explain la fuck. but yeah. heh. maybe that part is more like future future thinking? i dont know. for example, Syirah likes to do housework. i mean thats like the first time(ONLY time) i hear that someone likes to do. huahua

sensitive girls got me at standby and hot and running waiting to churn out warm tones(ok...too much guitar....). its like those who are more to emotion(not emo like cry cry sad sad not happy happy) but for example...errr i was talking to a girl, i gave a link to "christian the lion" video on youtube. yeah the tiger is cute, but the video is like more towards touching..she commented saying the tiger was cute and the video wasnt much touching. ok fine everyone is different but thats the bloody point!

lastly. i like beautiful girls. HAHAHHAAHHAAHHAHAH FUCK!!

but then, whos talking about outer beauty? =))

2008-11-24T01:19:00.004+08:00

For those of you, damn bloghoppers...I KNOW YOU MISS ME!! MUAHAHAHHAHAAH. oh yeah whats new about my page? if u guess correctly, u win....NOTHING!

Ok serious, you can choose to ignore that. Like duh. Of course you can choose. I'm not some sort of control freak who will go "Ignore that!!!" or "Don't ignore that!!!!" ok so, i don't really update my blog, cause i -nowadays especially- i tend to forget what i wanted to write just minutes ago. it's like an hour ago i would go "ooohhh mann FK i must write that blabla is blablaing with blabla two on a blabla. they had so much fun!!" but an hour later - now, for those who dont understand - i would "space space space". but whatthehey, i remembered what happened today, maybe....so here goes, brace yourselves for the most boring blog post in the most boring blog EVAAAA!!!! *THUNDER!!!*

i was supposed to meet wan and adi at 10.10 - teden...tententedeennn - at punggol mrt buuut, i woke up at 9.50 so i was late - like DUH! - and i texted wan. wan informed adi is gonna be late as well. so yeah tentatively - wahhh so chim siiooolololol but i dont really know what it means. its like the boss in the cartoon, dilbert. u dont know dilbert? ure missing alot, freaks! blabla...where did i stop? - meeting was postponed to FIVE MINUTES LATER and adi asked us to go first. HUAHUA. what didcha guys think! ok so...i thought i was gonna be late. but NO, wan came later.

so yeah wan and i walked from dhoby - where we washed clothes - to siti hol. so yeah the rest were late too, we ate KFC, went to mind's cafe, played games, stood stoned, i went to work, they had idontknowwhatandidontwannaknowwhat.

what? u guys wanna know what i did at work? ok! i WORK LA!!! aiyo.......

moral of the story: do not judge a book by its cover. HUAHAHAHAH!! *THUNDER!!!*

oh yeah..thursday's french test. i hate learning french. i learnt "komotutapel" it means "what is ur name?" of course its not spelled that way, u idiot!!! its more....stylo milo gigolo. ok the gigolo word is extra. but who cares?

2008-11-12T01:59:00.001+08:00

i took time to write this short post. please read...

this morning, 2.02am as at my laptop time, 12 november 2008, i, helmi fitri, declare myself as a SEXIST.

2008-11-12T01:29:00.003+08:00

so girls like guys who are sweet. but when guys are sweet, they accuse the guys as being "sweettalker maderfakker". injustice?

so girls like compliments, attention etc. when they get those, but what do they give back? eg. boy says: eh u look cute. *guy changes his dp to cat pic* girl says: yeah..the cat is adorable refreshing change after your pics.
these girls...i "like!"

kthxbaicul8er.

2008-09-09T16:11:00.007+08:00

LONELY

Fiq always mentions this to me.
"aku lonely ah" or "i'm lonely ah".
well you know what bro, you're not the only one who's lonely.
me, myself, and i have been single for three and half years. to be exact,
i broke up on 14 february 2005. you've guessed it. valentine's day.
how many people in the world break up with their partners on valentines?
of all days huh? yeah well i don't want to mention how we broke up. cause it involves
killingwhich makes this blog R21. ok i kidd but it's not funny.

yes being single for three and a half years is a long period to be single in
today's teenager'scontext. you seldom see people being single for more
than two years. ask around.i've been asked by "friends",
"helmi, aren't u bored being single?"well, my "friends",
do you guys have partners for fun, to fill time?
to get into his/her pants?
not me.

but, only if they were to change one word in their
question, i'll answer "yes"the word change? "bored" to "lonely"
i can't deny i AM lonely. girls aplenty, none for me.it's not that
i don't want to get attached, people. it's just that..
I AM NOT YET IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i've broken hearts in the three years.
i'm scared to break another one.
i've got mine broken too.
hmm...

*honestly i can't think of an ending for this post, but self-ego forbids me to end it this way*

but ya know what? i don't give a fuck. really.

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

2008-09-09T15:58:00.006+08:00

PERSON OF THE MOMENT

hey everyone, from now on, i'm gonna
post about some people in my life every now and then.
some random people there goes in my mind at that point of time.
it can be about you or whoever i've had direct contact with. not george bush
or osama or slash.i'm gonna write nearly all my thoughts about that person.
i hope not to censor anything that reduces reading pleasure
(like as if anyone reads my blog. but that's fine.
i can play pretend)

2008-09-01T02:36:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone.
yeayea i know i know you all miss me. i can tell. kehkeh
so yeah its been exactly a month since i last updated. but who cares.
what? did i hear something like "i do! i do!"
ok was imagining things.

Decipher&music
so yeah alot has happened in this month. ok maybe not.
saturdays has become sorta routine. go out with part of decipher.
since months, we have never go out as a whole. even thought of kicking dime out
coz he always MIA. bloody hell. to think that we are preparing for the upcoming
download festival, hellfest, monsters of rock. baybeats(friday till today) doesn't allow
metal anyway. fuck. who cares. and ya know what? i'm still wondering when is
decipher going to jam. it's been like what? 5months! 5 fucking months!!!
you read that?!?! 5 FUCKING MONTHS!!!

Personal
the subheading(personal) reminds me of secondary school friends. why?
when we text or whatever. we have this question.
"which should we start? personal? public? pelajaran(studies)?"
huahua the old times. miss that alot. crap.
btw i met wifey at last on a date i forgot which. huahua(u are readin, i know)
she looked beautiful. hehe(kembang? kehkeh) im serious. =))
it was fun. went pool. i beat her coz she keep getting the black ball in.
we went makan. went window shopping. well at last she did buy a top.
huahua. wear that next time we meet? kehkeh.
and yeah. why didnt we take photos ah? pfft.

Public
fasting month is here.
tomorrow(today, whatever) i'm fasting.
happy fasting, my friends. make sure you all mandi hadas first ok?
naughty naughty. kehkeh. think i dont know.

Pelajaran
had exams the pass week. was only confident in marketing. the other two?
GONE WITH THE WIND.
i think i'll fail. u figure. i kinda pessimistic. so yea.

the end. but no post w/o pictures from now on.

camwhorecamwhoreat3ampfft

2008-08-01T02:49:00.005+08:00

Post

Yes. It has been long since i posted. Now that i'm posting, it's because of a great movie so touching it NEARLY made me cry. just look for Kisah Cinta Minah Brutal in youtube. But well it's a love story about this tomboyish girl(nia) who accidentally crushed into a guy(kogi) 's house when she thought her boyfriend was living there. so it was wrong. they got to know blablabla. split. met again at a resort. got stuck on an island. kogi got bullied all the way till on the mainland until the resort. nia was touched by kogi's gentlemanliness(is there such a word?) ok blabla catch it. i'm too fking lazy to continue. but it was romantic but unfortunately...bad ending. sad.

LOVE

This word 'love'. If i were to write an essay about the definition of it, it would be a billion words. To me, you don't have to say that you love someone, you care about him/her, you cherish her/him, you treasure her/him etc. because when you say you love someone, it's a commitment itself that includes all these actions/feelings as mentioned. When you say you love someone, you can't take it back. Like i said, it's a commitment, just saying the word itself. But, saying it means nothing without proving it.

How is this related to the movie? It was a love story, duh. But how fascinated i am about how one can feel so much love in the movie without having the 3word7letters phrase in it at all. ok so fck it. This post sucks. If you are still reading, well..

One day, i'll write one fcking long post just about this weird phenomenon called LOVE.

2008-07-05T01:24:00.003+08:00

Average

As the title here suggested, this week has been average. I'm talking week here because i didn't post for like a week or so. ok i don't have a fucking idea. shit, im swearing again. the only special thing was that i skipped school on thursday to go for a course for my work. course was 9-4. work was 5.30 to 11.30. how long altogether? do the maths, buddy. of course i was dead tired. the usual helmi doesnt sleep early. i mean never unless im sick. butbutbut...it was a phenomenon that i was sleepy earlier at ~4pm that i slept. but of course i woke up back. if not, my face in the obituary or this blog is hacked.

ok the story's getting boringer and boringer so i shall end.

Results

next on the agenda is.....my test results. *applause*

business statistics: 30/50 i knew i would pass
organisational behavior: 16/30 misinterpret the question and lost alot of marks
marketing: 37.5/50 same as soon xiang(gudang garam on monday) miracle, no?
open technology and office systems(mouthful sial): 41/50 another miracle. but it was easy and full marks are quite possible

thank you. *applause*

Others

music: created an intro and a riff for an upcoming #1 metal song in the world.
work: went through course means im legal to work already and i can scan my own ic for the clock in/out thingy
decipher: hirwan is back. meeting decipher(hopefully as a whole) and FGL tomorrow. FGL treating us kopi(starbucks, i dont mind at all, brudder). wakakakaka. fiq initially said he wont go unless dhil go. but we cant reach dhil so fiq is going eventually. dhil is known to bury his handphone 6 feet under.

im thirsty, hungry and hot. i feel like bathing again.

bad

2008-06-23T19:33:00.003+08:00

COMPLAIN

hello freaks. im very much in the mood to complain. i did complain to syirah and i think she's pissed. i apologized but sometimes(always) these things take time. without further ados:

- i was freaking tired of work yesterday. more tired than usual though the break was quite long
- my wrist hurts, very much, typing to complain doesnt help much
- i got food poisoning, i think from the sambal goreng yesterday. heard sometimes, the dish would be stale by the time it gets dark. i didnt care. i was hungry i could eat 1000 grains of rice
-i tried sleeping quite early - 2am - but end up not sleeping at all. my stomach hurts and at last at 5pm, i got up to vomit. i dont really know what's the problem cause i ate chicken earlier at 1+am. i still couldnt sleep till 7am. by that time, izuan called me to go to school. too bad i cant and fortunately first lesson was a lecture.
- didnt have any appetite to eat until end of school which i forced myself to buy egg sandwiches and nuggets. its not good not to eat, you know..
- had a headache/fever, cant even finish a stick of next chill. that is bad
- i'm bored to death. im getting sick of killing the same old people.
- i think Syirah's mad at me cause i texted just to complain. ok whatever ah.
- brother is not working, danielle's getting more neglected. makes me so sad.

is this complain long? i can write longer. lucky my wrist hurts. this thing can go on till the end of time. on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.......

SATURDAY

freaking long day. went out at 12pm. 12???? since when did i go out for leisure at 12?? i usually wake up at 12. muahahhahahaha. i go crazy...crazy...crazy of you, babeh..(to aerosmith's tune) fiq asked me to powerjam to support FGL and some kaki nangs who joined. well alright. i was bored, not working, and in need of fun. so yeah met him at 1, went makan, guitar window shopping as usual. i bought a pair of jeans. didnt even plan on buying. but (un)fortunately, i have cash...so yeah. thought we were late. so went to timbre at substation for the powerjam. met vickomaniac, FGL, tetragrammaton(now that's a mouthful!), rudimentaldrummer, justaphase, shawnrick.

some descriptions on them:

vickomaniac(vicki): she didnt look as big as i thought she would be. but she does have a tough body. one you wouldnt wanna mess with. not as tomboy as we thought much earlier. good photographer. friendly and sweet. filthy rich. she lives in orchard for fuck's sake. she keeps denying. but what the hey, she came out with nearly 20 bucks for 3 glasses of coke like nothing only.

FGL(Farid Gregory(i found out in some old thread) Long.): met him in 1st soccer hangout. friendly guy. childish too especially in SOFT. has online affair with vicko. huhu. in jack vs jill

tetra(faz): woa he sure looks fierce man. like some gang boss. scary man. but he is friendly and smiles alot. saw him in some pics beforehand with FGL. in reckless hearts

rudimentaldrummer(eric): woa i thought he is a young fella. but he turns out to be er....young at heart! haha. now is that rude or what. moderator at soft. so pray pray. perform with reckless hearts

justaphase(emma): not known in SOFT. very low profile. many thought she was a man. looks fierce. but her voice tells all. Aki S Ian is rumoured to have a crush on her. wahahhaha

shawnrick: saw him at first vocalists hangout. super nice guy. damn good voice. like those RnB type.

oh man the female DJ host was hot or what?!?! and she interviewed me. i was like shaking. it was after JVJ slot. she asked me do i have a band and am i playing. said no. who was i supporting. point to JVJ "them!" haha. man was i shaking or what. fuuuuhhh. thought her name was Samantha. skali Simone dah. paiseh paiseh.

oh yes vicki took alot of photos. nice one, i have to admit. super camera.

and i should have taken the $100 Lee voucher....stupid me....

fuck

2008-06-19T00:31:00.003+08:00

oops did i said fuck in my title? damn i should stop my fucking vulgarities. oops i did it again.

im just bored. tuesday was like a bitch at work. i want to complain and complain. then again i dont know what to write.

oh yes. TOMORROW IS PAY DAY!!!! who wants ice-cream!!!

as usual, some photos:

handsome??? i know i know i know!!!! go dump your boyfriends!! wakakakkakakaka.

this is the title of the post

2008-04-14T00:41:00.003+08:00

hey im back after idontknowhowlongihavenever posted. these few days have been boring. very. very!!!

friday:
wake up at noon. asraf reminded me of the job appoinment. yeayea the $400-$500/assignment job. then 10mins later he asked me to call that ivan guy. said the guy didnt pick up his calls. ok so the ivan also didnt pick up my calls. so plan was scrapped. i was rather tired to go out. so just went prayer then back home. jolvin ask to play soccer. i had flu. soccer is my medicine for FLU. so yeah. i agreed. asraf came along. after that i forgot waddefak happened. so yeah this sentence is to make this post long. yeah long. coz im freaking bored. lalalalalala. i have a girlfren. woops no i didnt say that.

saturday:
went out with JIWE. met yan at rocket. nazri and ashiq came along. talk bout guitar. some teh tarikS later and we were off to east coast. took 401. we ate mac. nazri is wow with his appetite. he was hungry. i wasnt. so you people havent seen me really eat. thats when people get their waddefak face seeing my body and my appetite. wan came late. meanwhile we played arcade. wow...long time never play arcade. timecrisisII as usual. damn i took the wrong side. gun sucked. wan came, we went bowling. lets just say i was glad i wasnt the worst.

so then we met faj and bai at arab street. parked my maserati at the wrong side. so yeah we had to walk a distance. the only one who didnt eat. outta bugs since buying the maserati. they offered and offered. i surrendered my malu face and put on my taktaumaluface. fill in the blanks, idiots. shisha-ed. isit just me or is shisha actually a waste of money? waddefak did i care. i didnt pay. nyahhaa. so went home take 260(it was 240. the madderfakkers had to increase the prices.) went home. play game and died. blablabla....makethispostlongsentence. lalalalalallalalalala.

sunday aka the day that passed an hour ago:
bored. slacked. i didnt on metalzone today. waddefak was i thinking?!!?. heck solved the problem for FM. oh u know(u dont know. just act like u know) the defenders-tawaf-around-the-attackers problem. so there is a patch to install. happy sial gile babi buto cheebye byechee yayayayay lallaalalalala aku gile. installed. on already...PLEASE INSERT ORIGINAL CD. WADDEFAK! hancurnya harapan. went emo. slash my wrist. cut my wrist. cut my neck. cooked my head in curry. let u eat. craaaaap la helmi(u freaking handsome i turned gay when i looked in the mirror) ok so played CS. blabla. asraf bubble me say want to go pasar malam. at last talked with girl on the phone.

ok bye.

4E la sial

blabla

FM07. i WAS the best

i scored chicks with this pic

what? u dont believe this is me?

2008-03-30T19:10:00.005+08:00

another day, another post...

Anugerah band:

the audition was supposed to be yesterday. went and reach there at 10.30. sialah they came at 11.08(isnt that sweet or what). so yeah. fagged. tired. crapped. saw some metal bands. wooaaa i wanna see black metal bands in anugerah can or not? nyahha. soso we went. thought alep had already register. sekali havent... got number 081. 50 bands perform to perform per day. you guessed it. our audition was just now.

reached at 9. of course they were late. though on the same MRT line. bloody hell. but not that late. so we went up. saw that our band's gonna perform at 12pm. before lunch. what a bad time. so we waited. sat down, tuned our guitars. called to go in kandang. waited for our turn. egg become caterpillar then become butterfly. then they go in stomach. our turn. were told not to touch the amps. anything tell the soundmen. ok....so we went up. i set up danielle. alep did some intro with nurul aini and shah entah.

so we started...played...the comment was bloody fuck(can i say that???) bastard...(not again..) zoul didnt really know what to say. something like we're not ready. eddie...he said if sofaz listened to us play, they'll get mad. (yeayea coz we're much better than them so they jealous. im trying to stay positive here if u realised, dickhead!) anne hussein...forgot what she said. i know eddie kept saying about the guitar and bass tuning..what the fuck. we just tuned like 5 minutes ago. actually i kinda doubt they know what they're saying. so yeah. i guess thats it.

HECK we didnt even intend to be serious. but still the soundman was right. it wasnt about not caring about goin thru or not. its about not embarassing urselves.

Non Anugerah: got two job offers. one by this guy ivan who suddenly called me. 30-50buck/hr. what the fuck. and asraf's 6.50/hr at airport. hmm...fickleficklefickle me.

some random pictures:

danielle...

3 great friends

mama's birthday

i love these two ladies

cousins

jiwe...6 years passed still strong

thats all folks.

2008-03-28T02:02:00.004+08:00

OMG do you realise how long i've never posted!? do you? huh?? do you?!!?!!? i want to count but im too lazyyyyyy. go figure.

well too many things happened to say in this one post. let's just say, many ''friends'' come and go. make band, disband, make band, disband...another goodfriend gets the girl situation. just like travis beckham situation. nyahhaha. nearly performed a gig. i really mean nearly! NEARLY!!!! ARGHGHGH!! got myself a free guitar pedal (heheh to those who understand). but heck..i'd rather be in Mesergod than have this pedal...haizz....oooh i've got Danielle. make new friends..lose friends..have someone(s) to eye one. eheh snort. fuck, i really need to fucking cut the shitting vulgarities down man!

coming up: photos of the past moments

ok bye.

2007-09-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

MY HAIR!!!! IT'S GONE!!! okay i exaggerated that. but IT'S GONE!!! not again... ok i just cut my hair and and it is argh!!! i can't find a word so..so..i don't know, so don't ask me! damn! how did i get brainwashed and make a trip to the barber?? well okay..it's not as bad as i'm describing it as. it's short. hmm i don't know about neat. but the first thing i did when i reached home was to (step into the house) reached for my gel and moulded something good out of this junk. okay so i gave in a put sample picture here. judge it and tag me your comments aite!

okay so i met this girl just now. nah i'm not going tell you what happened because i'm supposed to 'forget about it'. and she just messaged me that she's crying. so i got to go.

2007-08-28T00:37:00.000+08:00

BORED SIAL!!! ok that's a tat too exaggerated. wahahah. damn ok i'm reali bored like fuck (woops can i say that??). wahahah. so enjoy this crap. didn't do anything outstanding today. woke up, played comcom, ate, watched tv, played comcom, went lepaking, went home, played comco, write this crap. enough?

plans for tomorow: NIL

waiting for friday, go back PSS!!! i'm excited. well not that i will be there to see the teachers. ok ok i will maybe see some of my teachers, but the highlight is seeing old friends and of course, 'friends'!! erm.. to those who know, keep it low shall we?? wahahah.

damn i don't even know what to do after this.......nobody acceptable is online. maybe i'll just give comcom his very deserved break. of my he must be damn fucking tired. maybe he'll turn emo and slit his...erm...circuit? hard disk? whatever!

2007-08-24T20:46:00.000+08:00

Sooo it has been looooong...im back! well no im not going to talk about girls though im so tempted to.hoohoo.im crazy. yeah i've change my blogskin. sort of edited from the metallica one. made the background my favourite colour. Green!!!!

had my accounting exam today. it was okay. not bad. but i don have to worry. confirm pass la sial.wahahahh. i sort of miss my school. no, not the lessons. school. as in the building. did exam, ate, prayed went home, talked to hafiz about girls. blablabla. at last i got the hang of photoshop.wahahha. edited two pictures. that's an achievement okay!! returned AOE to acap. went austining with kak. she blanja-ed me. blablabla. and im here now talking this piece of shit.

IF YOU ARE STILL READING, THANKS ALOT!

damn i'm bored. fuck. oops! can i say that? hoohoo. i don't care! i'm fucking bored.wahhahah. can't wait for those n-level people to finish their exams. for those who know, keep it low shall we? hoohoo

ok bye.

2007-07-02T23:28:00.000+08:00

They say LOVE HURTS.....but which hurts more? Love? or guilt? the guilt of...of..making someone fall in love with when u are [quite] lying dat u love him/her too? lets take my case for example.......met X on frenster.got to know thru frenster[comments]we started msging..calling..i like her-shes frenly and spontaneous...but not as in love.at least NOT YET.time will tell..MY FEMALE FRIENDS!HELP ME PLEASE! tell me..m i cruel as lying to a gerl dat i love her wen i'm not?not dat theres no feelings at all.like i said i like her.but she is like..like...loving me!i donoe..she might be lying herself.like izuan said i may tink im giving her hope, but wat if she feels the same.as in she tinks shes giving me hope.neva thought of dat.hmmmm i hope i can find the answer..soon!one more qn..am i cruel to make appearance a factor when i look at gerls?MY FEMALE FRIENDS!HELP WANTED!

2007-06-18T15:55:00.000+08:00

Hey guys...got to know this gerl through frenster.well i don even noe her but as usual,i tend to go frens' profile and go to other n another..ok i think i got this gerls profile through G and then her fren arep and then this.cant add her,need her email.so is send her a message.she added me.

at first we communicated through comments.but that took much time uh.her msn has a problem so cant msn.at last i gave her my number.so yeah we messages each other for like a day-that was two days ago.

yesterday i called 12plus.we talk for like 4hours!none wanted to give.each denying that we are sleepy.at last like 4am i said lets put down.but no,we talked sumore.we stopped only when she accidentally hung up.she was great.wonder when can we meet.i sure will look forward to it.kehkehkeh.maybe i hav juz found the one.

2007-06-13T22:28:00.000+08:00

Hey im back!well bout the entry yesterday,i'm over it.i tink i'll slowly lessen my communication with her.i won't text her unless she text me,i will make my text short,or i will be busy for her.i think that's the best way.WHAT DO YOU THINK[make a tag]?of course i won't really cut all the contact with her.whatever it is,she is still my friend.more than that i don't know.i will sooner or later.

okay LET'S STOP all that CRAP.today has been an OK day for me.first i when back to my beloved EX-school,punggol sec.went there for a BUFFET.i met travis under his block at 1135,austined[my sis gave a full pack of power!!!] till the last block,sat for awhile.IT WAS FARKING HOT!!!trudged our way through the blocks,crawled through the hot sunshine to our destination.watched a small awards ceremony for the cadets, and had the main event,THE BUFFET!!!!!!!ARGH!i was so hungry i quickly grabbed two chicken ribs,a LARGE whipped potato and a LARGE coselaw[is that the way to spell it???]it was from kfc by the way.after that played pool in the PCCG room.it was fun coz i and we[me and travis] won.

went home,played CS,played soccer at SSC,went home and played AOE till now.i want eat now,or hmmm play CS first maybe.chaoz

2007-06-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

Call me clever or smart, guys...but one thing i don't understand what you men out there do.GIRLS!!no offence girls.ok fine i am one damn stupid fellow when it comes to the opposite sex.okay i admit i've been a very bad boy recently and maybe just now.made a girl cry.i don't know if she is really crying.she told me she is[by msn]..and i think its because of me!mymymy....

let's call her G shall we...she calls me syg[or love],darling,baby n more.fine many girls have call me that before and i know none of them meant any of that[you know the way girls talk, even to casual friends,alot of this words].but the way G calls me,its lyk different.its lke she means it.i asked her if she reali mean it,she asked me 'wat if i reali do?'she had said and asked other things that hinted that she likes me.i'm getting CONFUSED by the day.and guess what?my confusion caused her to be confused too!!!OMG.and now she is crying.

i tink she is pissed off by what said..my fault i guessed.but i can't help it.IT WAS THE TRUTH!!
i can't tell her that i like her when i don't.neither can i tell her i dislike her.[MY FEMALE FRIENDS, PLEASE HELP ME ON THIS].and so i told her that the way we talked made me confused.sometimes of course i like it when girls call me darling etc etc.[DON'T YOU GUYS OUT THERE LIKE IT TOO?]but if we keep talkiing that way,i'm afraid i may one day really think she is my girlfriend.i can't lie to myself,can i??i can, but i don't want to,THOUGH ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE,if you know what i mean...

i'm here writing this piece of shit and listening to MASTER OF PUPPETS when she is there-maybe-crying her heart out.i sort of believe she crying because she's very emotional.and i hate to know that someone close cry without me being by their side.what can i do???i don't know..i think i'd rather catch some ZZZZZ,hoping tomorrow will be a much better day......

nothing again..

2007-06-11T00:40:00.000+08:00

Bear with me for awhile okay...coz this entry will be boring the guts out of your body!i woke up,ate chicken rice,watched teevee,played computer -btw guru came and install for me CS,we played together in this hamashi server,it was fun coz i won him hehe-ate fishball soup and continued playing the computer till now.

now i'm chatting with ima.is this making you bored??don't deny it...i know you're bored!you're getting sleepy....sleepy....
sleepy......

b0ring day...

2007-06-10T00:35:00.000+08:00

YESTERDAY:i woke up at 11.30.rise and shine!!!!arh..the blinding light.

and i ate nasi lemak, play age of empires[we can skin that part eh].

4 pm went cycling with izuan.went searching for nearly botak

malay uncle who carries a purple bag who sit in front of the 7-11 at rivervale plaza.

we wanted to buy 'STUFF'.but too bad,he wasn't there.

so we bought 'ori' kap and went austining.

off we went to punggol end to 'relax our mind'.but we suffered to relax our mind,through the slopes.sit for awhile only and went back home.reach home around 7pm i think.

at home,continued with AOE,losing and restarting,msning,friendstering,blogging,

msging,eating,breathing,pumping blood etc etc......till now.so much for a SATURDAY.hope itz gets better TODAY.

booooooorriiiiiiiiing!!!!!

2007-06-04T21:10:00.000+08:00

ah what a boring day!!!!!!!!!!!!woke up eat bathe change then go school.went out at 11.45. had a macroeconomics test at 1300.it was farking difficult.ok lah it wasnt that bad.at least i had SOME idea of what they are asking...hahaha.i knew most of except the SRAS and GDP part.studied the wrong thing about GDP.i studied the expenditure factors of GDP.they asked for the income factors!what the fark.nevamind.after that go makan with taufiq at design school.apparently design students have started their holidays.canteens was quite empty.taufiq had a fever.so he didnt eat.i on the other hand had a plateful of rice.and im still HUNGRY SIA.went home,switched on the laptop and played Age of Empires I.the laptop has been on since.[ok la not so hot]checked friendster,played little fighter2 then write this shit.hey i got to known this girl,Ima.don know her full name YET.she is 19!OMG.adik angkat kakak.she like gothic.ok la.but i don't the fact that she liked blackmetal.okok im not decent anyway.i just don't like the music.my music is heavymetal aite,thrashmetal also can.GO METALLICA!!btw i just learnt how to play master of puppets!!!!!chaoz.think going to find something to eat.

one more natasha coming ryte up!!!

2007-05-29T02:59:00.000+08:00

hi again....guess wat?make a new fren todae.op!i mean yesterdae.got to know her 18 min b4 her 14th bdae.haha.n guess wat?her name:natasha!my god!dat makes 4 natasha in my brain!haha.ok she did tell her full name but of course,i forgot.like always.she's great,frenly,speaking england lah she,well she is cute.n shes 14.yeah 14....3 whole years younger.she does look matured for her age.in fact in her pics,she could easily be mistaken for a gerl my age!!haha.maybe.....................argh!!!!nevamind!but she is silat!fierce!must watch out for her.haha! ok la chaoz.look at the tym...itz more than 3am.n i plan to skip wds class tomorow.shit neva do proposal datz why..haha!

Menantikan saat termampu

2007-05-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

The title there,thats my favourite song.from exists.great song makes me cry thinking of 'her'...haiz..[OMG why am i tinking of her????????]hmm..nothing special today.juz went out with rae n daryl go town.daryl wore lyk a fisherman!!lol.and rae and i made fun of him all day!haha.poor guy.cant help but watch him in symphathy.imagine going out to town wearing a tshirt shorts n flipflops.i wear that to play soccer.ok fine the day was hot aniwae.then i went to makngah chalet at the usual place[SAF at sealand rd]ate mee soto ice cream n some mini doughnuts.faz said natasha like me but i donoe.....u see wen i hav a gerlfren, i wan to be able to go out wif her, but natasha don hav so much freedom.not dat i don lyk her because of that,its more that i pity her.sec 3 n not able to go out wif frens.cant imagine lyf lyk that!so yeah she is nice,pretty,caring.but...........i juz donoe,im scared to hurt her.thats why..watever it is,we r frens.lets stay like that for a while.argh.....yesterday i was damn sick.go gym wif hafiz halfway i gave up.my brain was throbbing with every heartbeat!hmm so much for today.would rate it.....7.5/10.btw abang ngah said my hair is lyk blur's leadsinger damon's.i donoe...u decide.

der she goes....

2007-05-21T23:06:00.000+08:00

hey..skipped a few daes huh..well 1st tng to sae, i 'broke' up wif 'her'.not dat we've been together or what,its just i wanna forget her.yeah she has been great, but the queue's long,if u noe wat i mean,and being such a good sport,she serve evryone in the queue.all the sacrifices,gone to waste...thought so from the start.i do still lyk her though,its just she has sooooooo many other priorities.not that i dont understand her,but as time goes by,i turn from a shoulder to cry on,a counseller,a tour guide and i donoe wat else.....what i imagined was for her to come to me crying for a shoulder,a person to talk to all nite,a person to layan her all day.hmm pity dinah,shes my shoulder now.i kept complaining to her bout 'her'.dinah's great.gave me great advice..hmm...how easy to lyk her but how impossible to steal her.i tink this should be the end,unless[lets not tink bout it 1st]......last weekend suck bcoz of 'the' incident.i'll get over it,i tink.i sure will.i must!at last i go out wif izuan.go pasar malam den his house watch FA cup final man u vs chelsea.man u LOST!!!!HAHA.is this getting too long or wat??con'd tomorow then.

left out

2007-05-18T16:36:00.000+08:00

wat a dae man.............CCN dae in school.well dat stands for Campus Care Network.actuali evry class supposed to set up a stall in school but my[pathetic] class juz cant get 2gether and discuss bout it.nevamind bout dat.at least i got to look at 'frens'. alot of dem!haha!my frens, hafiz wahid n mustaqim ask me go bugis wif dem but i had promised myself to collect my spec 2dae so i wen home to take $ from mama.but wattheeff, she said she no $ coz her haven giv her salary wic she supposed to get yesterdae.so here i m stucked at home wen my frens go n hav fun[look at 'frens'!]at bugis. eff my luck 2dae.cant go bugis cant get my specs wen im suppose to be able to do both[faster2 go take specs n meet dem at dhoby ghaut].nevamind wat can i do bout it. ahhhh nuting 2 sae. chaoz.

1st in millions to come[hopefully.........]

2007-05-17T20:13:00.000+08:00

WOW my very blog....FINALLY! hey-whoever unlucky enough to have landed here-don't laugh at me okay...well what can i do. i just had my very own internet connection just like 2 weeks ago. so here goes. 1st entry in 1st blog in my 1st very own internet connection. ahakz. usually in 1st entries, people have alot to write huh. but thing is, im not normal. just look at my[so called] perfect english! 1st entry only. just look at my future entries. you may be surprised! haha. well got to go aytez. see you tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!